Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Top Ten Female Fantasies--Contest/Drawing!

According to AskMen.Com the top 10 female fantasies are:

10. Sex with a stranger
9. Group sex
8. Dominating a man
7. Being watched/having an audience
6. Being sexually ravaged/being controlled/having a master/being submissive
5. Sex with a woman
4. Being paid (stripper or prostitute)
3. Sex with two men
2. They want to BE the man...yes, using a strap-on with their male partner
1. Forced sex

http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa/27_love_secrets.html

So there you have it.

For the men that may be reading this, here's what you need to remember...many fantasies are meant to remain fantasies. Just because a woman may be turned on by the thought of something doesn't mean that she actually wants it to happen. Then again, maybe she does. Why don't you ask her? Communication is the key to any relationship!

I'm interested in hearing people's thoughts about this list. Did any of the fantasies surprise you? I'll admit that number 2 surprised me a bit. Were there any fantasies that you thought should/would have made the list that didn't? Do you have any additional thoughts or comments on the subject?

As an incentive for you to share your thoughts (some might call it a 'bribe' but I prefer the word 'incentive' ) everyone who leaves a comment on my blog between now and August 20th will be entered into a drawing for a box of Godiva chocolates. YUM! The winner will be announced on August 21, 2006. I DO need your email address so that I can contact you in the event that you win the drawing. For those that prefer to comment anonymously please send a copy of your post, along with your email address to pamelatyner@hotmail.com Be aware that I will be posting on my blog the winner's first name, last initial (if they prefer that their last name not be posted), and state of residency.


Now, I just realized that this particular topic may leave some with the impression that I write erotic romance. I do :) However, the book that is being released in September is not an erotic romance, it’s a sensual romance. I am hopeful, though, that one of my erotic romances with be released in the near future.

51 comments:

Jade Jurgensen said...

I could relate to these! Glad to see I'm "normal"!!

Dulcie said...

I'm shocked that none of the fantasies specified Gerard Butler. ;) Otherwise, no, not too surprised except for #2. Now that one has NEVER crossed my mind.

Mary R said...

Nice pretty pink website!! I love the 10 things that women fantasize about!! :)

Cherie said...

Actually three of them surprised me.

Being paid (stripper or prostitute)

They want to BE the man...yes, using a strap-on with their male partner

Forced sex


I can relate to the other ones. Or can understand them. I guess the most surprising is forced sex why would you want that?

~Cherie~

aries75 said...

I guess the most surprising is forced sex why would you want that?

They forgot to list the conditions under which said "forced sex" would be acceptable:

- man is exceptionally good-looking
- has impeccable personal hygiene
- is STD-free
- has had vasectomy
- has committed to memory every technique from every "how to please a woman" sex book ever written ;)

As for which ones surprised me, if #1 is the most popular, followed by #2 etc, then yes, #2 absolutely floors me. I thought the main people who harbored that fantasy were submissive males! It's definitely not something I'd find a turn-on myself...major "squick" factor.

The one I'm surprised *isn't* on that list is the desire to watch two men get it on.

Heather R. said...

Hi! I noticed your post on the WeWriteRomance.com forum and jumped over to read the top ten female fantasies. Oddly enough, none of them surprised me. If you ask a man what a woman gets, I have the strange feeling you'll get insight into what they want.

Just my two cents...

Great blog, by the way!

Heather R.

Pamela Tyner said...

Wow! So many comments already. Thank you all for participating!

Cherie said: I guess the most surprising is forced sex why would you want that?

Good question, Cherie, and I’m sure others wonder about it as well! Aries75’s list of conditions under which it would be acceptable are right on the money! Just to add on to that...

I think some women have this fantasy because it allows them the opportunity to experience naughty things without being responsible for it. Has anyone ever heard someone say, “Good girls don’t do that”? Well, sometimes good girls WANT to do that, but they don’t want the guilt that they may feel because they were ‘bad’. If they’re FORCED to do these things, then they aren’t responsible for it, and therefore, no guilty feelings.

Of course, I’m sure there are many other reasons that a woman might have this fantasy, and it might be as simple as “because I find the thought arousing”.

An important thing to remember is that in a person’s fantasies, THEY are the one who is in control. So they won’t be forced to have sex with someone that they aren’t attracted to, they won’t be forced to participate in any sexual activity that they don’t really want to experience, and they won’t be in any physical danger.

I seriously doubt that the women who fantasize about this truly want to be forced to have sex against their will, but they may want to be conquered by someone that they want to be conquered by (geez, did that make any sense? Lol).

Those are just my rambling thoughts on the subject, and others may have a different opinion.

Loribelle Hunt said...

I'm really surprised at #2 and #4, and I think #1 and #6 are essentially the same thing. Mostly, I think I've heard/read these before and would agree they're pretty common. ;)

sir michael said...

What? I'm not on the list? LOL. My wife agreed with some of these, but she wouldn't tell me which ones.

Debby said...

I can relate to some but not others. Interesting list. I wonder how they compiled it.

authorstreet said...

I so totally undersdand and agree with all 10 of these. However I find it surprising is no one suggested exotic locations, a major turn on for me:)

Amy S. said...

I was really surprised by #2.

Tara W said...

The only one that surprised me is number two. I know many people will be surprised that forced sex is the number one answer. I think forced sex has always been a fantasy for many. That's why the bodice ripper era was so popular. The majority of the stories that I read in the late 70's, early 80's had forced sex, and they were quite popular. The times may be changing but maybe not the fantasies.

Tara W said...

I agree with you aries75!

Cherie said...

Interesting list. 2 surprised me. The being paid and the wanting to be the man. Some of the other stuff, such as forced sex, while they may not be a fantasy of mine, I know some women get a thrill thinking about. You are so right about the difference between fantasy and reality. Just because someone may fantasize about something does not mean they would not want to do it in real life.

Cherie J

Linda Wallace said...

I find it interesting that women's fantasies appeared on an AskMen site.

Jennifer said...

6. Being sexually ravaged/being controlled/having a master/being submissive
3. Sex with two men
1. Forced sex

Out of that list, there are only 3 I can apply to myself, and even then with some restrictions. Number 6, being ravaged/controlled, would need some serious ground rules spelled out beforehand. But even at a mild level, I do prefer the man to be in control. I find that I am able to be freer and let give free reign to passion without worry over those 'morals' I was raised with when the man takes control.

Number 3, I'm not really sure I could go through with this, but it is definitely intriguing enough that it enters my fantasies regularly. And I find Romantica/Erotica books that include this theme most interesting... But to actually do it? I don't know. I suppose if the situation were right, maybe. But that is a very big maybe.

Number 1 is another I'd apply a serious caveat to. When I think of forced sex, I am really thinking more of seduction - to be with a man who knows that I really want him, and forces me to face that. A little 'manhandling', without violence is hot - such as some mild spanking, being tied up, blindfolded. Degradation and violence are not hot, however, at least not to me.

Jennifer said...

6. Being sexually ravaged/being controlled/having a master/being submissive
3. Sex with two men
1. Forced sex

Out of that list, there are only 3 I can apply to myself, and even then with some restrictions. Number 6, being ravaged/controlled, would need some serious ground rules spelled out beforehand. But even at a mild level, I do prefer the man to be in control. I find that I am able to be freer and let give free reign to passion without worry over those 'morals' I was raised with when the man takes control.

Number 3, I'm not really sure I could go through with this, but it is definitely intriguing enough that it enters my fantasies regularly. And I find Romantica/Erotica books that include this theme most interesting... But to actually do it? I don't know. I suppose if the situation were right, maybe. But that is a very big maybe.

Number 1 is another I'd apply a serious caveat to. When I think of forced sex, I am really thinking more of seduction - to be with a man who knows that I really want him, and forces me to face that. A little 'manhandling', without violence is hot - such as some mild spanking, being tied up, blindfolded. Degradation and violence are not hot, however, at least not to me.

dancewriter said...

Very revealing. Not necessarily the order I'd have THOUGHT, but I pretty much imagined those as the top fantasies, yeah.

Cathie said...

Hi Pamela! I'm Cathie and I so look forward to hearing about your book! I love the NCP books and love reading!
Intersting!
I found that number one being Forced Sex was surprising. Yeah I thought it be up there but not number one.

Kissa Starling said...

Number two and number eight kind of go along together. I was much more interested in the other parts of the list. I was surprised there wasn't more romance on the list.

Madison Chase said...

I'm surprised none of them include celebrities...

Good to see you blogging, btw!

Sanjay said...

2 surprised me as well. Almost as much as 4.

Joye said...

Not too surprised about the list. That's a man's trouble-they FANTASIZE Also, tell me why sensual is different from erotic Can't they be one and the same?

Cherie said...

Pamela Tyner
I see your point
I was just thinking rape at first.

But even I would like to be forced what to do by my hubby who I know would never actually hurt.


~Cherie K~

Lisa said...

Interesting list! I was only surprised by two of them - the woman wants to be in the male role, and getting paid. The force thing is easy for me to relate to. I think of it this way - everything in my daily life is in either my control or outside control - from my work to my schedule to my kids' and DH's needs, etc. It would be lovely to have pleasure forced upon me - to just take what someone is giving me and give over any control I have. To not have to make any friggin' decisions (LOL) and know that I had to go along with what was happening. Of course, that being said, this would have to be with someone I trusted implicitly. :)

Pamela Tyner said...

Wow, guys. Your comments have been great. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Linda said: I find it interesting that women's fantasies appeared on an AskMen site.

But it’s wonderful that men are being educated on this issue (and just to point out, the article was written by a woman). I read somewhere that less than a third of US men know their partner’s sexual fantasies. IF that’s true, then you have to wonder why. Are the men just not asking, or are the women not sharing...maybe due to fear of criticism or being labeled 'slutty'?

Joye said: tell me why sensual is different from erotic

I consider my first book to be more sensual than erotic because the sex scenes aren’t as graphic as what you’d expect in an erotic romance and there aren't as many of them. That’s not to say that the sex isn’t hot :) but it’s not what I’d consider erotica.

moolattegirl said...

Heaven help me, but yes, I've had many of these fantasies. Sex with a stranger tops my list, though that stranger would definitely have to be Bono. Not so strange, after all.

heather massey said...

Interesting discussion!

#2 surprised me, but not by a whole lot as I begin to factor in the plurality of sexual orientations and gender identifications we’re becoming more aware of these days. The aspect that surprises me is based on the assumption that this is the fantasy of a heterosexual woman who identifies as female (e.g., is this a dominatrix type fantasy? Or does it just represent liking to be in control?). It would be interesting to know the sexual orientations and gender identifications of the women who participated in the poll.

Regarding forced sex, in addition to the above definitions of it, it always implied to me the element that a man finds a woman so attractive and hot that he can’t help himself. Maybe I’m stretching, here, but then the reason it’s exciting to fantasize about is that one has that kind of power over men. Certainly this could just be my own warped interpretation!

I also wonder if there’s a layer of the man reading subtle nonverbal cues from the woman that she really does want sex but has been culturally conditioned to deny the urges (wouldn’t you say that this is a huge aspect of Japanese erotica/manga?). This expands upon Pamela’s explanation somewhat.

bektold said...

The idea of using a strap-on doesn't do much for me. But the idea of experiencing sex as a man is intriguing. It's one thing to know "my last boyfriend liked X." I'd like to know "this is what X feels like."

randy said...

No. 2: Euw! NEVER occurred to me!

Melany said...

Getting paid surprised me a little. And the strap on. It's neat reading them though.

Lany

Dana Pollard said...

#3 and #1 are my favs!

Love the pink!!!

KimW said...

I am a little surprised at some of these. Especially #2, #4 and #5. Maybe the women were just teasing the men to see their reaction. haha!

Becky said...

I can relate to all the fantasies except #2, #4, and #8. lol #2 and #4 shocked me a little bit. I can't relate to #8 because I rather have the man in the driver's seat at all times. lol Yep I'm definitely a submissive though not to the extreme. Just enought that I don't want to dominate men. I rather let them have their wicked way with me. lol

Thanks for posting this! It's quite interesting. Glad I'm not the only one who has these fantasies. :)

Latesha said...

Pamela,
Thanks for sharing this list. # 2 surprised me a lot, but I guess to each her own. I'm kind of partial to #8 myself.

Ali said...

Hi, Pamela :-)
Yeah, the only one that surprised me was #2. There's a couple here I'd like to try ;-)

Earlene said...

Pamela, I'm not sure about some of them. I guess i'm just a puritan at heart. Forced sex, be the man or being paid for sex suprised me.
I guess I am a puritan at heart. LOL.

Jennifer L. said...

I'm glad you posted the list. Some I've had, and some I've not. However, I'm happy to know that such thoughts are normal.

Pamk said...

some of these I could fantasize about some definitely not lol

Nonny said...

All sound fairly accurate to me, but my fantasies depend on my mood.

That being asid, some of my fantasies, I would never act out IRL. For me, "forced sex" goes a bit beyond "forced" but it's not something I would ever want to experience in reality, even though the thought is at times a turn-on.

Sue A. said...

Thanks for sharing the list with us. I don't have a problem with any of them, after all the key thing is that they are "fantasies".

Lucinda said...

Actually, I think that this list is what men fantasize that women fantasize about, because it sounded like things that turn THEM on.

Emma_Sanders said...

LOL, Lucinda, that sounds about right. If anything, the forced sex would have to be a play forced, you know what I mean? Anyone ever read that Suzanne Brockmann novel, I can't remember which one? It had a fantastic "forced sex" scene that was a set-up between the man and the woman.

I guess that's why it's called fantasy. Things we wouldn't actually do.

Robin Snodgrass said...

After reading the list, I can say that several are very intriguing "fantasies", but as you said to any men reading, yes, they often remain just fantasies. Some things that turn us on are just for stimulation....if faced with the reality, it would be "Too Much" for some (but not all). *grin*
Thanks for the list and the comments!

And, I would love to be entered in your drawing!

Tracy said...

I also wonder how they got the 'list'--whom did they poll, women, or men thinking they know what women want:) LOL Anyways, not too surprising...

Emma_Sanders said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Emma_Sanders said...

Oops, I was half asleep this morning when I wrote my post. It wasn't a Suzanne Brockmann novel I was talking about, it was Susan Elizabeth Phillips (both fantastic authors!)

Loretta said...

Why would someone want forced sex. I am sorry but I couldn't relate to that. I think sex is something that both partners should want to share and that it would be enjoyable to both.

Pamela Tyner said...

Thanks everyone for participating. I really appreciate it. I loved hearing your thoughts on this subject. Thanks again!

John said...

You got fifty comments? Wow